So here’s another blog because I can’t sleep… probably has to do with all the coffee and sugar I had during work. I just gave up on trying to sleep and figured I might as well do something productive. I’ve got another 1500 words added to my book. It gets me in a good mood thinking about my past. Even the countless mistakes I’ve made are all part of the journey and I have a strong acceptance of who I was as that’s created who I am. Putting things in perspective like that makes me feel good about my life now, as I realize that I’ll look back on the life I’m living now in a similar way, with a feeling of owning my mistakes and being proud of being me. It feels good to write and reflect anyway so blogging can also happen in more of an organic way.
The story of how the first book ends, or lets say, how Act I ends is already clear in my mind. I’ve decided to divide my story up by their respective tattoos: each tattoo I have were made on a birthday (as a symbol for the experiences I’ve gained in that year), except the first one ever, which is the Koi Carp I got in Thailand. Thinking about that, I remembered the video my sister’s then boyfriend made at the time of losing my tattoo virginity. See below:
The Koi Carp
I drew the above carp on one of my mathematics notebooks, seeing if I could shade like a tattoo artist could. Anyhow. The reason I got the carp is because of it’s symbolism, which I found out through a friend. This was something that resonated with me strongly and I stuck with the idea until the opportunity to manifest itself emerged.
The story is that according to Chinese mythology, the Dragon’s Gate is located at the top of a waterfall cascading from a legendary mountain. Many carp swim upstream against the river’s strong current, but few are capable or brave enough for the final leap over the waterfall. If a carp successfully makes the jump, it is transformed into a powerful dragon. 
This transformation into a dragon is symbolic for reaching enlightenment. At the age of 17, I was already diligently working on exploring my spirituality and also through my Shaolin Kung Fu, found ways to engage in ‘action meditation’ and found power in this new philosophy of ‘keeping my heart flat’ and by the mantra ‘More Chi! Train harder!’. I was working on my personal development by ‘becoming comfortable being uncomfortable’ and taking on challenges with ‘more chi’ and bravery to take on risks.
My path to enlightenment or my path of self development and transcendence is something that would be applicable to my whole lifetime which is why I saw it as an appropriate tattoo to get. The placement and position was also strategic and aesthetic, with the idea of a fish just poking out of my boardshorts when I’d go swimming, but not being visible for work/school related activities.
Getting a tattoo is a ritual in itself too. Especially with my first tattoo, I felt a shift in myself that aligned with who I was, and which told anyone with influence over me (*ahem* parents) that I was going to do things my way, and live my life the way I was going to live it. Going against the flow, finding my own way and building my courage and strength were all themes that resonated with me and the symbol of the carper which is the story behind that.
That’s all I wanted to share for now. My mind is going a bit hazy after all this time so perhaps its time to hit the sack. Have a good day and see you on the other side. Peace!