So I spent the weekend in Amsterdam because I had seed saving business and I also wanted to check my storage for work shoes and a board game that’s lost somewhere. Unfortunately I left my keys in Rotterdam so that I can’t access the storage. Apparently my sister gave me her spare ones at some point as well which was used to make copies but apparently I never gave a copy to her. I don’t know. It’s a weird situation. It just means I have to consider buying new work shoes (since I start work either this week or the next) and I’ll make another trip to Amsterdam for the board game.
I had an unexpected Saturday by going to a party with my sister where they had all these vintage clothes lying around which you could change into and party with. It was actually quite fun. Since I picked clothes and got changed faster than my sister did (naturally), I was doing some solo dancing on the dance floor because that’s what I do to get the party started. I saw these two girls standing on the dance floor as well and got into conversation with them which turned into letting one of the girls try on the dress I was wearing. She was actually quite cute and although we were dancing within each others’ vicinity for a bit I didn’t make a closing move to get her number. In my mind I was like “well, what does it matter anyway, its not going to make a difference”… but looking at it retrospectively, I should’ve just got her number to at least leave the option open to contact her again.
I haven’t really been thinking about my ‘game’ until I got back to the city in November. I realize its healthy to keep that part of myself active especially because I’m young and single. I’ve moved away from the predatory nature I had back in the early days though. I’m slowly finding my balance between being overtly aggressive and being too passive. Valuing relationships over transactions doesn’t just apply to me in a business sense to me but also on a personal level.
I’m ok with initiating and opening up but I have to close as well. I mean if I’m putting energy into interacting with someone and enjoying the company, I might as well make it lead it to a possible future interaction.
Men and women are profoundly different when it comes to dating strategies and this stems from the way our biology works. Because of the existence of menopause, it is in the interest of women to seek out a partner before they reach an age where they become incapable of reproducing. Ideally, they would therefore be very selective of their partners early on to prevent their time running out and spending it with the wrong person who doesn’t share their wishes (assuming we engage in monogamous relationships)… which is why dating is important.
Men have the luxury of being able to take their time to reproduce all the way up to the last phase of their lives. On the other hand, it is also up to men to take more initiative and risk because they are in essence more expendable as a single male can populate an entire female population whereas a single female can only produce one offspring at a time (with the exception of twins, triplets etc.).
I’m all for empowering women and giving them equal rights and opportunities, although changing society on the surface has a limited effect on our biology. It’s usually still up to men to initiate interaction even if attraction is mutual. A male’s higher testosterone levels would probably have something to do with this.
Interactions with the opposite sex is more of an art than an exact science however. In the end its all about feeling and enjoying the company. There are many different approaches to this is as there are to life. I think the most important aspect of dating and these kind of interactions is understanding oneself. Knowing what you want and being comfortable in your own skin trumps whatever other people’s perception is of what you’re doing. Respecting other people’s space and boundaries are important too but again, that’s personal and depends on your own moral code as well. Every action has a reaction. I find that responding to my environment with positivity, regardless of the energy I’m receiving, has positive vibrations within myself and eventually translates to those around me.
Although I regard myself as an introvert, I feel like I should sometimes make the effort to get out of my shell and show myself. Lately I’ve been doing that through stage performances (I joined an open mic night on Monday) but also through blogging which is my thought channel to the outside world. I’m not that good with keeping in touch with people individually although I’ll give them a shout out every now and then just to touch base or when I have something relevant to their expertise. I also want to connect more with strangers than I do now. Sitting in the train for example, I feel that there’s ample opportunity for social interaction and I almost feel like there’s a subconscious expectation to use the moment to socially engage, which I don’t always do. I personally detest using my smartphone to pass the time and I usually have a book with me instead. Connecting with a fellow human being (who is also open to interaction) may prove more fruitful than reading a book… although that may be subjective to the context of the situation.
I’m still figuring it all out. Just feeling my way forwards really. I feel good though and feel that I have come to gain a better understanding of myself. I have become more accepting of the gap between where I am and where I want to be as everyday is an opportunity to bridge that gap a little more. Meditating on excessive feelings has also been good to build my own stability and self-control. Purely following your desire is not always the best course of action and stepping back to distance yourself from any immediate situation is sometimes the right move to create some space and subsequently make a better decision. I just had a thought to change the structure of how I write blogs… but maybe I should give myself some space to think about it before I go about changing everything 😉
Until next week!