It’s Valentine’s day! It seems to be a day commemorated towards love… but shouldn’t everyday be commemorated towards love?
What I did today is actually very reflective of what love means to me. I had a late night as I was relaxing from the exam aftermath. I woke up slowly and got my day started with a nice warm shower and some tea. After checking my email and playing a quick game, I left to the ACTA garden where I helped out clearing shrubs and gathered material for future mulching. I’ve designed my own project and communicated plans to the team, so now its about taking steps implementing them. Everything goes at the pace of the seasons, so we plan accordingly. It’s fun working alongside the ACTA team 🙂
Before I went home, I stopped at the local hardware store to pick up a pair of wellingtons and made my way to Diemen as it was getting dark, and the weather wasn’t exactly pleasant.
Once I got home, I continued my game and had a glass of wine and a few tokes of a leftover spliff, and now I’m here writing a blog.
I see love as an action that can be practiced anywhere, anytime. Love is a matter of internal choice, not of external stimuli which you respond to. I’ve noticed that only focusing on beautiful women is very paralyzing for me, as there are so many beautiful women that I sabotage myself by not even starting conversation. I feel, however, that these women want to talk to me. They want me to say something just to break the ice.
Love is not the infatuation of a single individual, but of a wider scope of being. To live in love, is to live in peace.
Yesterday, I missed an opportunity to spread love and back my principle belief.
I sat down in the same cubicle at the same time with a girl who had a birthmark covering her face. I smiled at her and she smiled back, possibly surprised that I didn’t react in any way towards the benign irregularity on her skin. I felt like she wanted to start conversation, but I was paralyzed into not being able to take any action. There’s a 3 second window in which you have to act before it gets exponentially more awkward the longer you wait.
So there I was, earphones plugged in with no music playing, looking at her from the corner of my eye occupying myself with something irrelevant on my iPhone. Occasionally I would glance into her direction, and she responded immediately, only to have me hesitate and change the direction of my glance. I saw her drawing her fingers around her face, as if subconsciously feeling that she was unattractive because of her birthmark.
What I wanted to tell that girl in the train was “you’re beautiful, and anyone would be lucky to have you”.
Regardless of what would’ve happened afterwards, I’d probably have felt a hell of a lot better rather than just sitting there awkwardly.
She eventually got out of an earlier stop than I did, and glanced into my direction before leaving. It really felt as if a vacuum now occupied her space. What could’ve been a very colorful and opportune interaction, was now just an empty cell.
It’s not so much about “picking up chicks” that I’m concerned about, but the well-being of my human companions. I want other people around me to feel loved and accepted, especially in these kind of situations. I think I could’ve had an impact on that girl’s life by simply lifting up her spirits in that moment through sharing a laugh and a conversation.
What stopped me from taking action was my own insecurity. Breaking social conformity is an art I still need practice at.
What I realize now is that you have to always act from a place of love and understanding. Be curious and explore. Love yourself unconditionally first, and share that love with others. Don’t worry so much about making mistakes, but reflect and learn from your actions.
Writing helps me do that. It helps me understand myself, and reflect on what I believe. Through seeing my thoughts on paper I can start making connections with thoughts and actions that keep occurring in my life. By joining the dots I can then start to see patterns emerge and make better decisions in the future. Kind of like a regression analysis, says the Management Accounting nerd inside of me.
It’s not about winning or losing; it’s about loving, and acting out of core beliefs and principles rather than shallow observations. If even a single individual can stick to that, I think the world would be a better place for it. Live in peace, so you can leave a better world behind you.
Peace! And Happy Valentine’s Day 🙂