It’s been an interesting set of days. There’s 3 important themes I’ve rediscovered through living in the past week: food, music and attraction.
I’ve been enjoying the company of my sister and her boyfriend in the weekend, especially because they’ve been providing some decent food while they were here with the two of them. It usually means that I’m on cleaning duty, but I don’t mind since I don’t have to worry about cooking. Besides, my standards of food and theirs don’t really compare since I focus on budget food with good quality ingredients. This usually means very simple meals, or snacking on a lot of raw foods like salads, fruits and nuts.
What I learned from them is that a cooked meal can be very nice to take time with, and also, you appreciate food a lot more when its done nicely. My sister came back on Monday to take more stuff to Texel where she will be staying for the next 6 months. Deciding to cook a more upscale meal, I spent a lot more than I usually would on food. I guess its also different when you’re eating with someone else as you’re kind of responsible for them as well. Also, because I won’t be living with her that long, I didn’t really care about what groceries would cost. I have that a lot when eating with other people.
For now, I’m sticking to my “simple food, good ingredients” diet because its easy and cost-effective. I’m also mostly following a primal diet, although I do get munchies on stroopwafels sometimes.
Music has been really intense for me recently. I went to a jam session hosted by the Erasmus Student Network. It reminded me a lot of my high school days when we had jam sessions during lunch breaks as well for a time period as a music school was trying to do promotion for classes. I was pretty involved with it then already.
It was cool because I really felt in my element there. I felt like I was the guy filling the gaps everywhere, making jokes between performances, introducing people on stage, motivating and collaborating with them. It was really cool. I got a lot of positive feedback as well, and I swear next time is going to be even better since I’ll be bringing along some more instruments and we’ll play around, see how it goes.
I was thinking about this because I was singing together with this other lady on stage. She had a mellow voice that worked really well with mine… but for a moment I froze on stage. I got a bit paranoid because I didn’t know what to do. The answer was in the lyrics of the song, something about “slowing down”, that made me feel less pressured to do something. Not only her, but also the whole band I could see having fun, and I stopped worrying about whether or not I was making the right moves, and started focusing more on having fun, which is what the whole thing is about anyway.
I also know from myself that I fall in love very quickly. I’ve been practicing to calm down from that, and not get too emotionally invested so much in the beginning. I feel I need to experience a broad range of people, and deepen connections with the ones that feel good. Through gardening, music and longboarding I’m finding my culture. I’m finding the tribe in which I belong.
Attraction to me is the sense of feeling that ‘you and me- we are the same’. I had that today in the supermarket for a bit. There was this young lady who had the same color scarf as me, and similar jacket and who I bumped into 2-3 times. I remember her at the vegetable and stroopwafel section, and think I also saw her before these two sections. At the stroopwafel section, I felt her crossing behind me, and I felt awkward, so I resorted to grabbing a pack of stroopwafels to distract myself. She subsequently grabbed something a few shelves further as I was exiting the aisle. I turned around just before exiting the aisle to see her walking towards the cashier.
I’m not sure if it was in my head, but I felt like she also noticed me, which is why she stopped a few shelves later to pick something up in that section.
The point of this story is that nothing happened. I wasn’t ready to approach a random person when I was shopping because I had a mission that needed to be accomplished, and was so one track minded about this mission that I forgot to slow down, and take a chance. Also, breaking social conformity is something that needed to be done.
Even though I missed an opportunity, I feel like there’ll be plenty more. This was a learning experience, and made me consider the possibilities of approaching people you find attractive and being straight up about it. Genuineness is a characteristic I value highly, so I try to attribute that characteristic to myself as well by being more open and honest within my interactions.
I feel like I’m making progress with private victories, and these will soon be reflected in public victories. I feel like I’m on the right path with everything, as its all falling into place quite nicely. It’s possibly also a good idea to take more risk when it comes to attraction, but with the right mindset of coming out of a place of curiosity, exploration and love.
That’s probably the bulk of what I wanted to get off my chest today. That’s all for now! Peace 🙂