So today, I woke up by the sound of my roommate walking into my room saying “Iemke! Are you awake? Did you forget the run you were supposed to do today?”. I was halfway in a dream in which I was playing bass guitar in a fat guy’s face while they were sitting around a dinner table, and I was standing on top of it. A feeling of happy weirdness changed to that of a sense of urgency with a slight hangover.
I took 5 minutes to recover from my wake up call, then made my way upstairs to take a shower and get dressed for the 3.2 km run I was supposed to go on. It was a Victoria University student organized run, and I decided about a month ago I would participate with my 5 dollar deposit.
I packed all my stuff and was ready to go, and I stepped out the door and looked outside… and I hesitated. I was like ‘what the hell am I doing’ and decided to bail on the whole thing.
Now I’m still not sure if it was the right thing I did. On one side, I was completely not feeling for running because of the party I went to yesterday, not having any food at home for breakfast and being taken by surprise having completely forgotten about it. I was planning to take an easy day with my group meeting, do some studying, buy some food, schedule some stuff, transfer some money and do other errands. I also didn’t really feel like taking a bus, a train and another bus just to run 3.2 km. It didn’t really make sense to me at the time. The day before, I actually ran way more than that, and had a lot of fun doing free running through the city with my roommate running buddies. What partially motivated me was actually knowing that there was a prize, but I sort of assumed it would’ve been a mediocre prize which dissuaded me. Also, I already spent 5 dollars for signing up, however, the perceived value attained in staying than going was less than the 5 dollars, which is why I decided to stay.
On the other hand, what resulted is me not following up in what I say I’d do which shows a lack of discipline and lack of character. Maybe I should’ve just run even though I would’ve not been in my top form. I don’t know. But it seemed like too much effort for something I couldn’t really take seriously in the first place. But maybe that’s my own fault for not taking my own word seriously enough? Going there would’ve also given me new experience that I would otherwise not have gotten.
It seems that last paragraph struck me the most: discipline, character and new experiences is what I missed the opportunity to build on I now realize. I made the wrong decision by being affected by my environment and by my feelings. Even though it would’ve been uncomfortable going, at least I would’ve followed up on my word. Practice what I preach.
It’s not really that I promised to go, but I gave my word when I filled in that paper I now realize. I should be more careful about the ‘promises’ I make because if I want to stay true to my character, I have to follow through in the things I say I’ll do.
Over thinking issues? Maybe. But it helps me question what principles I should be following and how I can be the most integrate human being I can possibly be. A situation like this, although seemingly minor, may hold bigger answers for me later.